Dear Dr. Sidney Friedman,
Well, I have moved on from the dopey racist girl (thank god!) and I've had a few dates with another young lady. Her name is....well, let's use thoroughbred parlance here...let's call her horse #1.
(Incidentally, my desire to use thoroughbred parlance isn't a reflection of misogyny on my part, but rather the fact that I'm immature, insecure, and have been rejected so many times that I believe God looks at me like one of the characters played by Jerry Lewis in his dopey movies. That, and my mother didn't hug me enough. But that's another story).
Anyway, so recently, after a few dates, #1 and I had, well, intimate relations. So nothing serious, but we hit it off initially, I guess. Although she'll dump me soon, I'm sure.
Now, before I started dating #1, there was another thoroughbred casually in the picture. We'll call her 1A. In fact, 1A was the broad I went out with when I visited you and your no good, anti-Semitic husband. We've kept in touch. And two weeks ago – and before I slept with #1 – we agreed that 1A should come down here for a visit. The weekend of October 14. Which coincidentally is the weekend #1 is going to be out of town (I mean, REALLY coincidentally).
Anyway, when 1A is down here...well, I'm pretty sure we're not going to just walk around Best Buy together, if you get my drift. We'll probably be drinking and eating and....you know.
Question is: Am I in the wrong here? Should I tell either 1 or 1A that I'm casually dating? That someone's coming to visit? I mean, there's nothing serious going on with anyone yet. But I honestly don't no what protocol is.
By the way, they'll probably both cancel out on me BECAUSE I'M A LOUSY DYSFUNCTIONAL JEW, WHICH IS REINFORCED BY THE FACT THAT YOUR HUSBAND NEVER EMAILS ME HELLO!!!!! LAST NIGHT – WHEN I HAD NO PLANS – I HAD TO TAKE TWO CLONAZEPAM BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH!!!!
Thank you for patiently answering my questions.
Sincerely,
Doug
PS. I texted both 1 and 1A about 30 minutes and an hour ago (respectively) and I haven't heard back. WHY ARE WOMEN SECRETLY CONSPIRING AGAINST ME WITH THEIR TRANSMITTERS!?!?!
Dear Doug,
This is like one of those really long word problems I used to avoid in math. My answer is: all of the above.
Yours in mental health,
Stacey
