Dear Dr. Sidney Friedman,
Last night I had a third date with a Match broad. It started out well, but it ended, well, not well, I think. I have a feeling some red flags went up in her head. And they seem trivial to me. Am I crazy?
Red flag #1 for her:
She seemed disturbed that I don’t like avocado, guacamole, or strawberries. Mind you, I’m good with everything else. But apparently this makes me a picky eater, and she likes people who like to try new things, blah blah blah.
Red flag #2 for her:
She’s a North Dallas girl, but more liberal than she wants to admit, I think she’s wrestling with conservative family guilt, etc. So anyway, last night I played the Jew and money cards (Jew card = yeah, I’m on the other team, not that I make a big deal out of it; money card = I don’t make a ton, but I support myself, and I’m ambitious). Again, after I talked about this stuff, she seemed disturbed. (BTW = I’ve learned you just might as well play the Jew and money cards with broads right away, because I’ve been rejected plenty of times for it)
Red flag #3 for her:
She has an adorable doggie that I played with before we went out. But while we were out, I told her how much I like feeding my ex’s dog the occasional French fry, crackers, etc. She looked at me like I just said I beat the dog. Wtf? Like this is a deal-breaker?
And finally, Red flag #1 for me:
We were joking on date #2 about, ironically, red flags. And I said, “yeah, you haven’t scared me away, it’s not like you said you wouldn’t date a black guy or something.”
Then, last night, she said during dinner, “Um, actually, regarding what we talked about last week….well, I wouldn’t date a black guy because it would kill my parents.”
Huh? She won’t date black guys cuz it would upset her parents? Shouldn’t this be a big red flag for me? What kind of people are her parents? And what in the hell is wrong with black guys? I like black guys!
Will you please let me know what you think today? (Stacey, that is…John doesn’t care about me). Last night is driving me up a wall and I’m feeling like I’m to blame for things if they go south.
Sincerely,
DF
P.S. I’ve emailed John 3 times this week but he’s only emailed me once!
10 minutes later...
PPS: I dropped a lot of money on dinner last night.
11 minutes later...
I’m really embarrassed about my email this morning. Why I’d ever consider trying to date a broad that acted like that --- and has a problem dating black guys --- is beyond me.
I apologize to both of you. That’s a reflection on me as being a bad human being.
I’m going off the grid again to reflect and pay penance. I will not bother you guys for 6 months.
Dear Doug,
1. If you make it to another date with this woman, take her for Rocky Mountain Oysters. If she refuses, her comment regarding liking people who like to try new things is a ploy to be more metropolitan than she actually is. Nothing says high cuisine like Rocky Mountain Oysters.
2. Just give her your business card. The jew card should only be played during post-coital snuggling.
3. She probably misheard you and thought you said that you like to eat dog with french fries or on a cracker.
4. Make sure to change your Match.com filter to exclude racist bitches.
Yours in mental health,
Stacey
